May 2013
megaman2:
megaman2:
“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
jacksongalaxy:
i want to be rich so i can hire a hot shirtless guy to feed me chicken nuggets poolside
rexuality:
realistic captions for selfies:
i took 34 photos and this one looks the least shitty
i tried really hard to take this at an angle where my arm didn’t look weird
i photoshopped a pimple out of this photo and used the smudge tool for like 8 minutes
i wish i had friends who took cute pictures of me so i wouldn’t be alone in my room for an hour trying to do this shit
this is the best...
squareclocks:
I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up.
mskneesocks:
you’re the only one who understands me google
snorlaxatives:
99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times
1 tag
cometissa:
I want to get my shit together and turn my life around but I also want to die
realhumanbaby:
Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about how small your body gets under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed
1 tag
magicconchshell:
imagine if you went to go see a horror movie but it was just a slide show of your middle school selfies for an hour
do you ever just wonder if there’s someone who secretly thinks about you and wants to talk to you but doesn’t know how
a haiku about group projects
vvenis:
no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no
zeldabuddy:
travelingmadness:
proof-reads ask about 5,000 times before sending
proof-reads school essay about 0 times before sending
crumpetmarypoppinstea:
twiliprincess:
is it bad that i’ve
watched hair tutorials for girls as future reference
for when i have daughters
because i want to be the kind of dad that knows how to do his daughter’s hair
this is the cutest thing I have ever read omg
starksexual:
i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
its-tuesday-again:
its-tuesday-again:
its-tuesday-again:
its-tuesday-again:
once my uncle flipped backwards off a swing and hit his head so hard he lost his sense of smell
once my uncle got drunk while he was in the army in germany and got a pink, flying unicorn tattooed across his entire upper arm
once my uncle skateboarded around the top of a water tower then got in it and swam...
joshsux:
when mcdonalds accidentally gives you an extra chicken nugget
Watchmormondad:
this video turned me christian
“Kimmy doesn’t give a fuck”
– My mom’s take on Kimmy Gibbler (via sidnugget)
baby-scars:
yahoo is going to delete every blog that doesn’t reblog my selfies sorry i don’t make the rules
mmtthhddss:
Community College Tips:
Don’t talk to anybody
Don’t make eye contact
Avoid the cafeteria because they will probably be doing a flash mob to current viral song
Transfer
The guy who constantly tries to play devils advocate with the teacher and sound philosophical whenever he speaks actually is failing the class but it doesn’t matter because grades doesn’t determine his self...
reallyreallyreallytrying:
yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger
coeptum:
I always get attached to everyone and no one gets attached to me so I always just feel dumb
