dear person who knows who they are,
i want this to be behind us. this is the last time i’m ever addressing it.
first, i’m sorry i lied. but you should know that it only started this past friday. never before that. second, i’m sorry of how i treat you all the time. i don’t learn from my mistakes. i try so hard to be perfect and please everyone, and sometimes i hurt the people i care about the most. i just crack. i’m gone. you said you would never do this to me, and i know you wouldn’t. i hope you don’t, just so you can save yourself from this absolutely disgusting feeling. i’m a mess of a person. always have been; always will be. but i’m so ashamed of this. like you said, sometimes you can’t help it. well i’m trying; i really am. i’m not going to do anything about it. i promise you. i honestly have barely slept since friday, because i’m being eaten alive by guilt. it is killing me. i don’t want to hurt you anymore than i already have. i don’t want this to tear us apart. you are the only person i trust, and if i lost you…i can’t even think about that.
i don’t know if you’ve told anyone about this. i’m assuming you told two people who you tell everything to. that’s fine with me. but like i said, i’m ashamed. i’d really rather it not get around. that’s all.
thank you for being everything i can never seem to be.