“You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It’s been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn’t come here to yell at you, okay? I came to tell you that I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was, but I’m not anymore. And the thing is, I really don’t care what people think about me… because I believe in myself.”—A Cinderella Story.
“Everything will be fine, dude. You have the rest of your life ahead of you…just make it awesome and God-loving. Whatever’s going on, it will be over soon and like I said, I’m here if you need anything. I may not be able to relate to the situation and give the perfect advice, but God can, and it will all work out.”—Julie Hall. <3
this happened to me at the same time last year. october 29th, to be exact. all the way until january 5th. i’ll never forget it. i swore to myself that i would never let it happen again. i’m so scared it will. i’m way too vulnerable when it comes to these things. and i’m losing friends because of it.
it’s not worth it.
i keep telling myself that, and i know it’s true. it just hurts.
yesterday is gone. tomorrow, things will get better. i just have to start with today.
i want this to be behind us. this is the last time i’m ever addressing it.
first, i’m sorry i lied. but you should know that it only started this past friday. never before that. second, i’m sorry of how i treat you all the time. i don’t learn from my mistakes. i try so hard to be perfect and please everyone, and sometimes i hurt the people i care about the most. i just crack. i’m gone. you said you would never do this to me, and i know you wouldn’t. i hope you don’t, just so you can save yourself from this absolutely disgusting feeling. i’m a mess of a person. always have been; always will be. but i’m so ashamed of this. like you said, sometimes you can’t help it. well i’m trying; i really am. i’m not going to do anything about it. i promise you. i honestly have barely slept since friday, because i’m being eaten alive by guilt. it is killing me. i don’t want to hurt you anymore than i already have. i don’t want this to tear us apart. you are the only person i trust, and if i lost you…i can’t even think about that.
i don’t know if you’ve told anyone about this. i’m assuming you told two people who you tell everything to. that’s fine with me. but like i said, i’m ashamed. i’d really rather it not get around. that’s all.
thank you for being everything i can never seem to be.
“And I find it kind of funny…I find it kind of sad: the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had. I find it hard to tell you, cuz I find it hard to take. When people run in circles, it’s a very, very, mad world.”—Mad World; Tears For Fears.
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
i’m not athletic, but i’ve been a dancer for 12 years. when i say music is my life, i don’t mean i just like to listen to it. i mean it’s what i do, as well. sometimes i would rather sit home and listen to broadway songs instead of be around people. i’m not good at being a good friend. i complain that no one cares about me, but then push away the ones that do care. i don’t want to be older or younger…i like where i am right now. my favorite smell is the smell after it rains, and i love christmas lights when they’re indoors. my family means more to me than i admit. i don’t do drugs or drink. i’m a cat person. and i’m getting tired of talking about myself so much. it’s bothering me.
“Dear Mr. Vernon,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us. In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain…and an athlete…and a basket case…and a princess…and a criminal. Does that answer your question?
the Breakfast Club.”—The Breakfast Club
i like how my friends make me feel like i’m a terrible person. it really makes my day, honestly. i also like how they don’t invite me places, and make me feel like i have no life. that’s the best. or when they obviously don’t care about me? favorite thing. <3
i’m just going to be honest here. i only have 3 people i consider my real bestfriends. taylor krupiak, even when we fight for days. danielle overbeck, even when we both make mistakes. and caitlyn huebner, even when we both hate each other for basically weeks on end. these are the only people i trust; the only people i enjoy hanging out with. i’m not saying i hate everyone else, i just don’t consider anyone else my close friends…at all.
tonight, i get to hang out with cait’s little sister. while my other 2 bestfriends go to some amazing dance. cooool. like i honestly hope they have a good time, and they will. they know how to party, haha.
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
you never tell me anything anymore. everytime i try to talk to you, we end up fighting. you tell me to go get a boyfriend and get over myself, which isn’t what i want to hear. i feel like i don’t mean as much to you anymore. but i guess it’s okay. i honestly hate to see you throwing your life away for a guy, but i have nothing against either of you. it’s your choice. i miss you. you always used to tell me what to do, and you were there when no one else was.
but not anymore. i hate how things have changed. but i love you to death. forever.
“I love how music does that to you. It has the power to make the artist completely alive before he/she ever sits down to create it. Like fire and ice, it’s where vision and inspiration collide, and that’s where the real beauty originates.”—Adam Young.